I asked the infamous SkinnyRunner if she would do a guest post for me, and she said YES! I feel so honored to be able to have her on my blog. Get pumped for her post…. Here it is!
Hi ya’ll, I’m SkinnyRunner and I blog at uh, skinnyrunner. When anyone asks me to guest post on their blog, I first feel sorry for them that this is all they’re getting and then I freak out: all I do on my blog is post pictures of myself so actually having to write stuff is… well, hard.
So I go to my main source of inspiration: People and US Weekly.
Oh yeah, I could talk about running. Thanks, bestie Gisele; I knew there was a reason we’re BFF’s.
Besides people always asking how I became a supermodel, I’m also asked how I’m so successful in my running career. Okay, no one has actually asked me those questions, but I’d like to think that if they did, I’d be prepared.
My tips for having a successful race:
1. Set the bar really low
Only run with and compete against people who are slower than you. Maybe this means running in a pirate peg leg race or in the retirement home 1/2K race, but just make sure you stack the competition in your favor so you will always come out with the W. Winning!
2. Set some goals… LOW
I personally prefer goals that are pretty tough… to not accomplish. Like keeping your chonies on the whole race (SUAR, I’m talking to you) or finishing with 2 shoes. You’ll get to taste sweet victory all because you were dedicated enough to reach your goals. Congrats!
This guy? Did not meet his goal. Or did he?!?!
3. Have something to blame your performance on
For example, when I was born, the doctor thought he heard a clicking in my hip which could mean that one leg is shorter than the other so I had to wear a leg brace contraption for 6 weeks. I must have healed completely in a month and a half because the brace came off and I was fine.
Follow me here, this is important: Just because that happened over 28 years ago doesn’t mean I still can’t blame a bad race on it. Heck yeah, I do! Every missed PR attempt is because of my “tragic” childhood.
Maybe you had scurvy, anthrax or some disease I don’t even know about; the key is just to use it. “There is no way I could have possibly PR’ed! I’m dealing with an incredibly bad case of periodontal gingivitis!”
4. Lastly, say it was just a “fun run”
When someone wants to brag about how they beat you or had such a great time, always come back with “Oh, you were actually trying? That’s cute.” Points for looking extra incredulous.
Thanks Jess for letting me guest post and congrats on beating me in Boston! That dang leg of mine that’s shorter than the other really slowed me down, and of course, it would have helped if I had actually raced…. <—see how easy that is??
**Please know that this entire post is in jest and simply a joke. And probably not a very funny one. 🙂
Thanks SkinnyRunner for letting me beat you. I wasn’t really trying 😉 I know – I’m being a smart@$$. But seriously, you are an amazing runner and blogger and I love your humor! Thank you for your guest post!