Mindset Shift as I Return to Work after Maternity Leave
I return to work next week after 20 weeks of leave with Olivia (8 weeks short term disability and 12 weeks paid family leave through Massachusetts).
I’ve only been a mother for a short period of time but I can't imagine ever not being a mother. After spending 24/7 with Olivia, I can’t believe I’ll be going to a mere few hours with her during weekdays. I get sad thinking about how I’ll miss some of her firsts and seeing her grow in front of my eyes. I see why some parents decide to stay at home.
I didn't know what to expect being gone for 20 weeks. Would it fly by? Would it feel like eternity? It ended up being a mix of both! I'm happy to say that I feel ready to go back to work. I am excited and nervous. I am excited to feel a little like the old me. I am excited to see my coworkers and clients. I'm excited to see how I can balance life and be a new me…I'm also nervous to see how difficult it may be. I'm nervous to feel sad and miss being with Olivia.
Despite seeing so many moms at my work who are real bad asses, I couldn’t help but fear that I won't be able to manage it all, that it would be more difficult to achieve my goals and that it may impact how people think I feel about my work. You know how you can give advice but you can't take it yourself? It's about time I start to take my own advice and remind myself how I look at others.
Staying home isn't right for me so I am coming back with hopes of embodying new mindsets. Some of my thoughts and the mindset shifts I am practicing are…
"Daycare means I can't see my Olivia!"
My new mindset is…
Olivia will be learning from professionals who will help her grow. Everything with taking care of a child is new for me and Dave. While we enjoy the research and we will still be doing a lot of it, I already feel less pressure because I have daycare to support us and Olivia.
Olivia will be socializing and potentially meeting some of her best friends! If she doesn't like them…she'll have to learn to work with other children that she doesn't get along with.
I can show Olivia that women can be successful in the work place and also prioritize family.
I am not saying that the above cannot happen with a stay at home parent. This is to help me see the benefits of the choice our family made.
"I won't be promoted and may be seen as someone who doesn't care about work."
Being present in Olivia's life is extremely important to me. I plan on setting boundaries around when I am working and when I'm spending time with family. I fear people taking my boundaries as it means I do not care about my work, want to grow or find it a priority. That is not the case at all. My new mindset is…
It’s all in my head. Coworkers of mine make time for school drop off/pick up, sports activities, family dinners, etc. I always respected them and looked up to them for this. I never questioned their work ethic or attitude. I want to follow in their footsteps in setting a good example to have that good work/life balance.
Hybrid work is allowing people to have a better work/life balance. I don't need to be constrained to the "9-5" to be successful and a good coworker. I can prioritize different chunks of time such as focus, collaboration and mentoring time. As long as I am getting my work done and supporting my team, I shouldn't feel bad about prioritizing my family. It will require communication and expectation alignment with my team.
I always got my workout in because it helped me be a better at my job. Making time for my family is just the same. It will make me better at prioritizing tasks and, ultimately, become more efficient.
Work and career is not just about a promotion or title. I love making an impact and inspiring change.
"I want to do it all and now I can’t."
My new mindset is…
I can do it all but just not all at once. I have to determine what is a goal in the present day and what is for the future. I will evaluate regularly as I have learned the big goals can shift. Instead of trying to take on 3 different goals, maybe I try to really excel at 1 or 2 of them and wait to take on another. It is always easier to learn one new thing than multiple at once.
Sometimes I see others and wish I had the experiences or opportunities that they do. I remind myself that there are plenty of people who see me and my path and think the same. I look at where I am and remember how in the past, I would have loved to be where I am now. I should be proud.
The hardest thing for me will be sticking to these new mindsets. The tragic loss of my dear friend, Terri, constantly reminds me that life is too short. She will keep me accountable. She was one of the smartest, kindest, “tell you how it is” person that I knew. She was so respected within the industry and she prioritized her family-all while working part time. I've been thinking of her a lot as I prepare for my return. She had told me that I have to do what is right for me and to not be afraid to talk to my team (both at work and out of work) on how they can support me as my needs change.
While I don't think official part time is right for me, I saved a lot of PTO knowing the transition back to work may be difficult. I am hoping to shorten days in the beginning so we can figure out logistics of daycare and I don't have to go so long without seeing Olivia. I also am going to play around with taking some Fridays off in addition to the SmithGroup Fridays. I can use these days to run errands and do things around my apartment in order to keep weekend time for dedicated family time. I thought, "People will judge me for taking this much PTO". A coworker reassured me, "You earned that PTO. Do NOT feel guilty! People won't and shouldn't judge you."
The most important thing to remind myself is to be flexible…and to not sing or narrate everything I'm doing to my coworkers or ask if my coworkers are going "poopy" as I have been doing the past 20 weeks with Olivia.
Questions for the parents out there:
How have you changed your routine to help prioritize family?
Have you experienced anyone thinking of you differently as a result of setting boundaries?
What are your biggest challenges with being a working parent?
What are you favorite tips to give a new parent with work/life balance?